No One Would Miss Me
by krebsandoutrage
Summary: Axel is stifled by regrets after Roxas leaves the Organization. Barely able to admit his feelings for Roxas, Axel gets a second chance to win him back, only to find out that Roxas doesn't remember him. KH2 Canon. Axel's POV.
1. Chapter 1

***Haha. So I know this is a baby chapter, but at least I'm starting! This is the sequel to More Confused Than Ever, but you don't need to have read it to follow the plot. I hope you like it! Also, warning, I frequently suck at uploading often do to the nature of my life, but will keep up with this story as best as I can! Input is appreciated.***

"I've kinda missed you, Demyx," Axel said, closing the distance between their lips.

The right person had left him here alone, and he wasn't coming back. And then Axel had knocked on Demyx's door – stupid, he thought to himself-oh well. It felt good to have company anyway, even if Demyx was still angry at him.

"Whoa!" Demyx said, moving away, "This is a bad idea. You're still not over him. I know it. And…and I'm still mad at you! " he yelled, and then, feeling guilty about his outburst, took a deep breath and sat down on his bed. "I-I know you feel like shit, so I'm going to try to be nice, Axel, but Roxas was too young for you and you know it. And you insisted on screwing around with him anyway. Plus, he could _feel_ things, and you couldn't. How is that fair, Axel?" Demyx knew he would feel guilty if he said anything too mean, but he wanted Axel to know what he thought. Axel had to know that what he'd done was wrong –what he was doing now was wrong. Still, Demyx sensed that Axel had changed since Roxas left. He was lonely. He could probably use a friend.

Axel sighed. Demyx getting upset again, he thought as he rolled his eyes. Axel could only care so much. Mostly he was annoyed. He hadn't come here to talk, _especially_ not about Roxas. Luckily, he had some experience in dealing with Demyx's moods (could a nobody have moods?). "Listen Demyx, you know I'm a nobody. You _know_ I would act differently if I had a heart, but I don't. I don't have feelings," he shrugged, and then pointing a finger at Demyx added, "And also, Roxas is _not_ that young. You're projecting yourself onto him. He might be younger than you, but he's twice as mature."

Demyx watched Axel as he angrily paced back and forth. Why did Axel always pick this fight with him? Demyx was sick of it, and he would fight back. He burst off the bed, yelling, "You were his best friend Axel! Everything he knew about the world, he learned from you. I don't think that's fair, and it certainly doesn't make him _mature. _ He was naïve if anything. All you taught him was what it's like to be manipulated and lied to. Screw you, Axel. You haven't changed at all since you got here!" He turned away and took a deep breath. He needed to calm down or this was going to get worse. Demyx _hated_ confrontation, but he did feel very strongly about this topic. Possibly more strongly than he'd felt about anything. Roxas had been his only decent friend.

"So _what_?" Axel said. Demyx was making him furious. Why was Axel letting Demyx get to him like this? Usually he was so good at keeping it cool when he was displeased with people. Demyx was something else entirely right now. Maybe Demyx was right. No, he couldn't be. _He_ wasn't there when Roxas left. He didn't know anything. 

_No one would miss me._ Roxas's parting words. It made Axel feel sick every time he thought about it, which was why he didn't. At least not anymore. "You know what?" Axel said coolly as he walked towards the door, "I don't feel like talking about this anymore. But I hope you have a great fucking day," he yelled as he slammed the door behind him.

He leaned against the wall outside Demyx's room and caught his breath. What the hell had he expected anyway? Roxas was gone, and he was just going to have to get used to it.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm sorry," Axel repeated for the umpteenth time as he leaned on Demyx's doorframe, waiting to be asked in. Demyx could be such a child sometimes.

"I _told you_. I have to do my mission and I'm not dressed, and-and- why are you _still_ here?" Demyx said wildly as he threw dirty clothes from the floor into his closet. He was trying to look busy, hoping Axel would leave him alone.

"Demyx, come on!"Axel said. "I'll say it again, okay? I'm _sorry." _He paused. Sighed. Tried a new strategy. "You're the only person worth anything in this whole place, Demyx. Don't think I don't know that."

Demyx stopped his arbitrary cleaning and stared at Axel. The bastard. He knew just what to say. "Just because Roxas left doesn't mean you and I can just be friends again," he said coolly, and quickly regretted it. He deeply needed friend, even a destructive one like Axel. "He was my friend too, you know. And I haven't been feeling good lately either. You just didn't ask. " Demyx hated how petty and vulnerable Axel made him feel. He wouldn't have admitted his feelings to anyone else.

"Oh, uh-" Axel was actually quite surprised to hear it. He had forgotten that Demyx had more feelings than the average nobody – or, at least, more feelings than Axel did. "I didn't notice…. Well-uh… what's wrong then?"

"Iyuh…. Well… I kind of got mixed up with Dem's wife and uh… he's not pleased. I mean, neither is she, but…well, you'd think she at least _enjoyed_ it a little-"

Axel smiled. He remembered falling for his somebody's significant other as well. It was difficult not to when you were practically the same person. "It's not technically cheating, you know," he said- at least that's how Axel had rationalized it- "But… remember I warned you when I taught you how to find Dem and his world. It's complicated messing with the people in your somebody's life. They'll recognize you, even if it's subconsciously. They'll know you're him. Or, like him. Trust me. I know from experience," Axel said, walking into the room. It felt like old times – back when he and Demyx had been friends, lovers, telling stories about their pasts. Before Roxas or any of it.

"Have-have you met Lea's wife then?" Demyx asked. He must have, Demyx figured. Axel was good at seducing people. Demyx would know.

"Reno," Axel corrected. "He likes to be called Reno."

"Right." Uncomfortable silence. "Well, so, tell me about it!"

"Erm…" Axel tried to remember. "She had just gotten in a fight with Reno…and she went to this bar where she always went – or, where I remember her going when I was Reno- and I followed her there. And erm…Well, I…I pretended to be him." Demyx stared at him incredulously. "It was dark and there were a lot of people there!" Axel explained. "So I just sort of took her hand and she followed me, and we went to this quiet corner, and I said I was sorry-"

"How could she not have not known then?"

"Well, she –we sound the same, and I tried to hide my face as much as possible-it was dark. And then I just sort of… we kissed." Axel grinned, remembering it. Was it demented that he took so much pride in seducing the wife of a person he actually liked - the person he used to be? He idolized Reno. Reno was his better half who coincidentally wasn't like Axel at all.

"So how did you get out of that situation? I mean, did she ever recognize you?" Demyx said, wide-eyed.

"Erm, well…. Things were getting fairly serious, and then she took a chance to look at my face, and she noticed the tattoos under my eyes, and then she just flipped out –realized I wasn't him. So I escaped into the men's room and came back here." Axel laughed a little. It was the first time he'd told that story to someone. Demyx was laughing too-more like giggling. It was nice to talk to someone again, nice to feel good again.

"So when was this exactly?" Demyx asked.

"Before Roxas," Axel said, and he felt his face fall and his stomach crunch. He hated that feeling. He had gotten too complacent talking to Demyx and it had spilled out, but Axel didn't want to talk about it. "I-uh-I've got to go, alright? Good luck on your mission or whatever…"

"You know I never do my missions," Demyx said despondently as Axel slammed the door.

Even though he knew he was messing it up indecently, Axel wanted Demyx to be his friend again. He liked having something to smile about. That was all. He couldn't stop himself from knocking on Demyx's door that evening. Demyx was sitting on his bed, crouched over a little book which Axel recognized as one of the journals Xemnas gave each of the nobodies when they became Organization members. Demyx was staring blankly at the page, pen in hand, unmoving.

Demyx didn't notice Axel approaching until he was standing right by his bed. "Why do you even bother writing in that?" he said, snatching the journal away from him. "_Today I completed my mission_," he read. "That's really all you wrote?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey! For me that's a big accomplishment!" Demyx said with mock seriousness, as he hurried to hide the journal in his dresser drawer.

Axel smiled. "Touché." He sat down on the bed and leaned against the headboard, forcing Demyx to scoot over. " Xemnas doesn't even read those journals, you know. You and...erg-Roxas. You're the only ones who took them seriously. Xemnas just likes us to _think_ that he's monitoring everything we do, but he doesn't really care."

"How do you know that?"

"Do you want to know what I wrote in mine today?" Demyx didn't respond, but Axel got it out of his pocket anyway. "_Didn't do my mission today. Took long shower. Bored. Guess I'll go find Demyx -better kisser than Larxene_."

"You did not write that!" Demyx said incredulously, grabbing the book out of Axel's hands and reading. "You're kidding me. Do you always write juvenile crap like that?"

"No, I used to take it seriously until I found out he didn't read them. Now I write _just_ enough so someone would think, flipping through it, that I really do my job." Axel watched Demyx perusing his journal. He suddenly looked serious.

"This one's interesting," Demyx said carefully, as he pointed to a spot on the page.

Axel took it from him and read aloud, "Roxas-" he faltered – still hated saying the name. "Roxas doesn't trust me after the whole Xion incident, but I can't tell him the truth yet," he paused. Kept going. "So I keep lying. It's no big deal when you're a Nobody. There's no guilt, no feeling at all. So why does it still sting, just a little, when I lie to him?" When had he written this? He continued reading the rest silently. "All my dealings with Roxas give me this bizarre illusion of humanity." Axel stared at the page. "I…I don't remember writing this," he said tersely, shoving the journal back into his coat pocket.

"You don't remember it _at all_?" Demyx said, trying to make eye contact. He figured Axel couldn't avoid talking about it forever, but he didn't want to push him too far.

"No…" Axel said, still trying to avoid looking at Demyx. He suddenly felt very tired and sad. He slid off the bed and stood. "Oh well. He's gone right? So what does it matter?"

Demyx looked at his friend and sighed. Should he reveal the sercret? He had to. Axel looked so horribly sad. "Well, actually…" Demyx was unsure how to continue.

Axel immediately sensed that Demyx knew something important. He looked at him inquiringly, but Demyx didn't speak. "Demyx? You know something I don't?"

Demyx squirmed, but Axel was experienced at manipulating him. He got on the bed, moved closer to Demyx and snuggled into his neck. "Come on Demyx, you have to tell me. I won't tell anyone. Promise," he whispered.

Demyx sighed in frustration. "Erg, well, you have to promise you won't do anything stupid-or rash."

"Like what?" Axel felt nervous, excited.

He figured he should say it while he had the courage. Plus, he knew Axel would keep bothering him until he did. "Axel. I overheard Xemnas talking the other day- a while ago actually, and… well, he said someone had captured Roxas."

Axel's heart started beating faster. "Captured him? Why?" he whispered.

Demyx wouldn't look at him. "They're… I think they're trying to revive Sora with Roxas's memories. He's in this simulated world right now. His own version of Twilight Town. Or… he's going to be. Or, he _was_. I don't know." Demyx finished.

Axel's whole body felt tense. He could find Roxas. See him again? "Wait, Demyx. You're sure about this?" he asked, breathless.

Demyx nodded. "Pretty sure. I mean, I heard Xemnas saying something about it. I don't know all the details or how you'll be able to find him-"

"Oh, I'll find a way," Axel said, standing up and starting to pace back and forth across Demyx's room.

"I was afraid you'd say that," Demyx said. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything after all.

Axel stopped pacing. "What's wrong? You don't think he's dead or something?"

"It's just," Demyx replied, "if you go, I will be alone here. Pretty much everyone else hates me. I only had you and Roxas, and then Roxas left, and you and I were still fighting… Now you'll be gone, and… you know….I'll be alone again."

Demyx was going to _miss him_? "You're going to _miss me_?" Axel smiled. Although Axel knew him so well, Demyx was still capable of surprising him sometimes.

Demyx rolled his eyes. "Oh _come on._ You may be an asshole, but at least you're company."

Axel smiled. "You know I can't stay away for too long. I'll need to come back here as a cover. Xemnas can't know what I'm doing, obviously." He started pacing again.

"_Please_ don't make me cover for you. You know I'm a coward and a terrible liar."

"Please Demyx. You can do this _one thing_ for me, right?" Demyx didn't look like he could. "Come on, Demyx. You know I'd do the same for you. You're my best friend around here."

"Oh, like Roxas was your friend?" Demyx said somewhat sarcastically. He wasn't sure why he'd brought that up. Perhaps he was slightly jealous.

"Hey! Roxas was-was different."

"You think so?" Because Demyx had thought about it _a lot_, and he didn't know that Axel _deserved_ Roxas in the end. Roxas had feelings and he had a heart.

"I'm-I'm not sure anymore," Axel said. It was so rare that he doubted himself, but he was now. "What-what do you think?"

Demyx sighed. Remembered the other thing he'd meant to say. Now was his chance. "Did you know he came to see me before he left?"

"He did? What happened?"

"He said you'd broken up. I told him I thought you were an asshole."

"Did you?" Axel said, looking at Demyx, smiling a little. It was still weird to think that Demyx and Roxas had been friends. He had never really thought seriously about it. His two ex-lovers – who would have thought? "And what did Roxas say?"

"Nothing," Demyx said, shrugging. "He just laughed, and he didn't tell me he was leaving." Demyx stared at the floor. This was the detail that bothered him most. Roxas hadn't even bothered to say goodbye.

"That's just like Roxas – he was trying to spare you the pain, you know… He wasn't that kind to me…."

"Well, it's always about you isn't it?" Demyx mumbled. He immediately regretted it. He didn't want Axel to leave again.

Axel looked at Demyx curiously. He though Demyx might be right about that. Maybe that was why Roxas had left him. It was painful to think so. But it didn't matter now.

Axel was going to get him back.


	3. Chapter 3

***Whoo! Already another chapter. I am trying to write chapters for this story more consistently than my last. Thanks for the encouragement! I appreciate it, and it makes me more diligent about uploading frequently so yay!*****

Axel's mind was on strategy. He'd done a lot of work to get here – somehow convinced them that he was the best person for the job. Capture Roxas or, failing that, destroy him-that was the mission. Of course, he wouldn't let it get to the second part – he'd think of something.

Yet he couldn't seem to bring himself to begin. Axel stood in his room, staring at the door, thinking it was time to leave, but he couldn't get his fingers to the doorknob.

-0-

He ended up in Demyx's room, laying lazily on the bed. He hadn't meant to discuss Roxas, but somehow the conversation kept getting back to him.

"I'm sorry, but what if… what if he doesn't remember you?" Demyx asked.

Axel had tried to convince himself that this was an impossibility, but he sometimes worried about that too. "How could he forget?" Axel replied, sounding much more certain than he felt, "I'm the reason he left remember? He might hate me, but he'll remember…" he said, further trying to pretend that Roxas's past feelings about him were inconsequential to getting him back.

Demyx looked like he wanted to say something, but he was clearly reluctant to do so. Axel waited patiently, knowing he'd eventually talk.

And he did. "Well…it's just…Namine's been screwing around with his memories, right? So he just…he might be different. He might be like Sora now or something! I mean, you know more about it than I do-it's your mission-but I don't know. Have you considered that?"

Roxas becoming like_ SORA_? He hadn't considered that at all. He sighed in frustration. "I _hate_ that cocky bastard. If Sora overtakes Roxas, I _swear_ I'll…" He didn't really know what he would do. Kill someone, probably.

"Oh c'mon! Sora's actually a lot like you!" Demyx said enthusiastically. Axel glared at him, reproachfully. "I mean, the way you've described him in the past…" Demyx looked away. So much for being honest, he thought. Axel couldn't handle the truth anyway.

"Well, if he is like Sora, it'll just make my job easier. Sora's has a huge crush on me since the moment he met me," Axel said, smirking a little.

Demyx rolled his eyes. "That's what _you _think. You think _everyone _is crazy about you."

"It's true though, isn't it?" Axel said, sitting up and looking intently at Demyx until he felt uncomfortable.

"Well, psh- No one _wants_ to like you. You're intolerable in so many ways, but -ya know-kind of charming." Axel looked too pleased with himself so Demyx added, "and manipulative. And rude as well."

Demyx was right, Axel thought. That was how he always got by –on charm and manipulation-and he was willing to continue the tradition. He'd be fine, regardless of how or _who _Roxas was. Yes, he'd be just fine.

-0-

At least that's what he thought until he was standing outside Roxas's virtual bedroom door in his virtual world, wondering if he should go inside or wait. What the hell was this place anyway? He didn't understand how they'd created something that looked so much like the real Twilight Town. It was eerie. Could he even trust that the person inside was really Roxas?

Then he heard movement –Roxas getting out of bed, opening a window.

"Another dream about him..." Axel heard him say, and he sounded just the same. Axel closed his eyes and cherished it. He felt relieved and then inexplicably afraid. What was he doing here? He couldn't just bust into Roxas's room. Roxas might start throwing things at him or yell or try to kill him. He had every reason to be pissed, and Axel had to get him out of here as soon as possible. It would be better to surprise him. Later-he thought, and he felt better.

"Another dream about _him_," Axel mused. Was that a reference to Axel? It wasn't completely improbable, he reasoned. And it gave Axel hope, and he remembered, all at once, a lot of things about having Roxas around that he missed, and he wondered if Roxas felt the same way. Axel though of opening the door to greet him-probably with a kiss-but no, he had to be sure first, that this was Roxas. He heard Roxas moving closer, possibly towards the door. Axel escaped down the stairs. He wondered if Roxas had created virtual parents for himself. The thought made him nervous.

As he waited outside Roxas's house, he realized how much he'd forgotten about why he liked Roxas in the first place. Axel was having something like real feelings again, at least he thought they were, and that frightened him.

He decided it was too soon to approach Roxas and went to look for Roxas's "friends" instead. Xemnas had told Axel a bit about them. Two boys and a girl. He quickly spotted them just where he'd been told they would be. He suspected one of the boys was gay and thought he could use that to his advantage if the time came. Then he saw Roxas's figure in the distance and hid. Why was he so afraid? He was going to have to lighten up and calm down if this was going to work.

-0-

The friends were talking. Axel half-heartedly listened to their conversation. Every time Roxas spoke, Axel's heart beat faster. He couldn't seem to make it stop. He wasn't sure why, but he sensed that this version of Roxas was different, somehow, than the one he remembered. And he wondered, without quite acknowledging it, if this Roxas might have purposely forgotten him when he'd gotten here, and it made him feel sick, but he quickly shook it off.

Axel found it difficult to pay attention to what they were talking about. They were going on a mission to find something. Whatever, didn't matter. Roxas was probably just making up these conversations in his subconscious out of boredom, unless someone else was controlling his thoughts now. Axel shivered.

Then suddenly they were leaving their fort, and Roxas's friends were running past him. Axel was about to vanish into a dark portal until he realized that he and Roxas were alone.

He was about to reveal himself, but he watched a strange look pass over Roxas's face, and then Roxas fainted. Axel ran to him. At first he was afraid to touch him – afraid he might not be real. But he quickly got over it and gently lay a hand on his forehead, "Roxas" –it felt so nice to be near him- "are you okay?" He asked calmly. No response. What was he supposed to do? He didn't know who to call. He couldn't bring too much attention to himself or the wrong people might realize what he was up to, and he couldn't have that.

"Roxas, wake up…" Axel whispered as he moved closer and listened for his breathing. Roxas was alive, clearly – or at least he seemed to be. Axel examined his face, softly kissed his forehead. He realized it might be dangerous to do so, but he missed him too much. And then, without thinking about it, Axel gently touched Roxas's lips with his own. He felt Roxas's body start to stir and quickly moved away, terrified.

Yet he continued to follow Roxas and his friends after Roxas recovered consciousness, looking quite perplexed-Axel thought with pleasure -hopefully because of the kiss, and then that girl Olette had found him (Roxas). She was quite pretty, Axel thought. Better looking than the other two, but he wanted Roxas.

-0-

Why were there so many gay men in Roxas's world? Axel wondered. The Pence kid might be the only straight one, and he liked that Olette girl, quite obviously, but Axel was mostly interested in what Roxas's relationship was to all of them. Seifer was gay - kind of reminded Axel of himself- a little aggressive, kind of sexy. Axel admired and hated him. He couldn't tell if Roxas liked Seifer or not and not knowing bothered him immensely. He'd been watching the two of them verbally fight-or was it flirting?-for too long.

And then their argument turned into a complete physical fight -with weapons, and Axel couldn't help getting a_ little _turned on, watching it, and he wanted Roxas to notice him watching very badly, but Roxas didn't.

-0-

Axel sighed. Hours had passed, and he was exhausted. How much boring mischief could these four get up to? Excluding the fight, their daily activities were excessively dull. Axel concluded that Roxas must be horribly tired of living here. As he thought this, he felt someone grab his arm, and he was pulled into darkness.

"What the hell, man?" Axel yelled, staring down Luxord. "I was about to get his attention. If his freaking friends would leave for a few seconds I could get him to come with me!"

"Oh c'mon Axel! There's a better way! We can control his reality, you know. Xemnas knows a lot about this mode they've got him in. You'll have to act quickly though, before they realize you're there. Get him to come with you as fast as possible! I'll arrange it. Just go," He said, pushing Axel back into daylight. Axel met Roxas again in some new area of Twilight Town. It looked like Roxas was on a stage – there were people all around, cheering, and Roxas was in battle. And then all the world, except for Roxas and Axel, froze.

Roxas looked bewildered. Axel was too, but he managed to play cool. He clapped, slowly, trying to get Roxas's attention.

"Roxas. All right. Fight fight fight," he said. He was terrified to see the frightened look on Roxas's face. Roxas didn't recognize him at all. Then he realized he still had his hood on. Still, he was a bit dismayed that Roxas hadn't at least recognized his voice.

"You really don't remember? It's me. You know, Axel," he said, trying to sound as confident as possible. He took off his hood.

"Axel?" Roxas asked, blankly.

It was a blow to realize, with complete certainty, that Roxas didn't remember him at all. He tried to compensate by acting more sure of himself, but, as usual, it just made him seem more arrogant.

"Talk about blank with a capital 'B.' Man oh man, even the Dusks aren't gonna crack this one," Axel said, inwardly cringing at how stupid he sounded – this Roxas probably didn't even know what a dusk _was._ He made a mental note. Well, there was no time to waste, he remembered. He had to get Roxas back to headquarters whether he remembered Axel or not – maybe things were even better this way . At least if Roxas didn't remember him, it also meant that he didn't have the bad memories – that counted for something right? Axel smiled. He'd have some fun with him first, like Seifer had. Axel summoned his chakras, ready to fight.

"Wait a sec, tell me what's going on!" Roxas yelled.

"This town is his creation, right? Which means we don't have time for a Q & A. You're coming with me, conscious or not. Then you'll hear the story," he said, appreciating how sure he sounded.

He watched as Roxas threw his weapon on the ground. "What's going ON!" he demanded. The keyblade appeared back in his hand, and he looked even more perplexed.

"Number 13. Roxas. The Keyblade's chosen one," Axel said. He actually kind of felt bad for the kid, having all of this sprung on him at once, but that had nothing to do with Axel's mission. He had to get this version of Roxas out of here. He prepared to fight.

"Okay, fine! You asked for it!" Roxas said, challenging him back.

Axel smiled. This might not be the Roxas he remembered, but Axel liked him just fine. "That's more like it!" he yelled, and they started to battle. Axel was surprised to learn what a talented fighter Roxas was. Axel had never actually fought him before, and he found it quite exhilarating. He couldn't wait until the moment when fighting would turn into love-making and all this would be behind them.

They were eventually both out of breath so Axel took a step back and ended it. "Not bad, Roxas," he panted. He couldn't help himself from smiling. Roxas offered a slight smile back, and Axel felt confident that his plan was working.

And then DiZ appeared. _Shit_. Axel realized he'd taken too long – gotten too involved in the moment, and now he'd been discovered.

"So it was you," Axel said, quickly recovering. The whole Organization, at least the members involved in this mission, suspected that DiZ was in charge of this plan, but it was still good to know for sure. At least the Organization would be happy with him for discovering _that_. He threw his chakram at DiZ out of frustration. Naturally, it had no impact except to make Axel feel a little better. This guy wanted to destroy the only person he cared about (if this really _was_ Roxas), and that was not going to happen.

Roxas stood watching them, looking extremely perplexed.

"Roxas, this man speaks nonsense!" DiZ said.

"Roxas, don't let him deceive you!" Axel warned.

"Roxas!" DiZ yelled.

"Roxas!" Axel reprimanded and held out his hand to Roxas, but then Roxas did something strange. He put his hands over his ears and started screaming the names of his friends -Hayner, Pence, Olette. Axel felt suddenly out of breath as he was pulled through a dark portal and arrived back at Organization headquarters. Why the hell did he care about those stupid fake friends of his?

Axel had to talk to someone. He walked to Demyx's room and began to relate the less painful parts of what had happened.

-0-

"So the first thing you did was _fight him_? " Demyx yelled in a high-pitched voice, "Axel, are you out of your mind? You should have at least asked him out to dinner first. Aren't you there to win him back?"

Axel ignored this question. "Demyx, I was on a mission for the Organization. I had to get him out of there quickly, and that was the only logical way to do it."

"Well, yes,_ maybe_," Demyx huffed, "but don't you think you're just recreating your old relationship with him? You're the non-feeling aggressor and he's just a helpless young guy trying to figure out what's going on…"

This annoyed Axel slightly, but he tried not to let it show. "It wasn't like that at all. This Roxas is _different. _He's got more spirit! I mean, he's just as sexy as ever," Axel mumbled. "And cute, but just more…vivacious, I guess."

"Axel, I-I think you're fooling yourself. I think he's the same person–just in another world now. Just like Lea-I mean Reno- is_ you_ in another world. You're really not that different from Reno are you?"

"Oh, I don't know about _that_. For one thing, I'm a _lot _more attractive…" Axel smirked. Demyx frowned.


	4. Chapter 4

***So clearly I suck. Sorry it took forever! But yay! Finally writing again!***

Axel was staring at the popsicle stick Roxas had left on his windowsill. He'd found it after Roxas had left the Organization. The stick had the word "winner" written across it. Axel smiled at the irony. He had lost everything. It almost felt like Roxas was teasing him with this last gift. Questions kept repeating in his brain. Was the person he met in Twilight Town really Roxas? Or was the real one off somewhere else? And how would he know if that were the case?

Yet, Axel had watched Roxas and his friends eat sea-salt ice cream on the clock tower at dusk. That had to be because of _me_, he thought. There was no way Roxas would have discovered that location on his own – and with the ice cream and the time of day. Axel desperately hoped Roxas was trying to recreate their memories together. The clock tower was important – it was where they'd had their deepest conversations, where they'd first kissed.

Axel had put the popsicle stick at the bottom of a drawer. He meant to never look at it again, but he always knew it was there. Axel shut the drawer and sat on the side of his bed.

So if this new Roxas wasn't quite who he remembered, why did he still want to be with him so much? It wasn't that he liked him really, but he wanted to get under his skin a little, make him feel a little guilty for not remembering Axel – or something like that.

He heard Demyx's timid knock on the door. Characteristically, Demyx did not hesitate to peek inside.

"Er, Axel? Xemnas is looking for you. Or, the Organization is, they want a meeting with you." Axel didn't move. That was the last thing he wanted to hear.

Demyx stood awkwardly, waiting. "I don't know why they always make _me_ do this kind of thing – be the messenger. They think it's all I'm good for! Well, I mean, maybe it is," he conceded. "It's better than battling heartless, I guess. Don't get me wrong. I'm _good_ at fighting, a great fighter really, I just don't like it."

"Why do you think the rest of the Organization wants to speak to me right now?"

"Oh come on! You know! They want to talk to you about what happened with Roxas today!" Axel stood up. "Axel, be careful. I think they want you to do something bad to him."

"That might not be the worst thing that could happen, you know." He saw the astonished look on Demyx's face. "What if I have to destroy this Roxas to get the other, real one back? It's just something I've been thinking about. Maybe they aren't the same," he said, but he knew he wouldn't do it. Sometimes he just liked to make Demyx nervous. It was a bad habit – spoke to the fact that Axel still didn't have a heart.

"You can't be sure of that. You could end up killing the _real_ Roxas, if you tried that." "_Maybe_."

"Don't get so crazy on me all the time, Axel. I'm worried about you. And Roxas."

"Do you want to see him then?"

"No."

"Why not? Are you afraid I'm right about him?"

"Who else do you think he could be_?"_

Axel sighed. "I don't know. We'll drop it for now Demyx. I'll go to this meeting and then I'll go to see him."

"Go see Roxas?"

Axel wasn't in the mood to respond. He left the room without a word.

He went to the tall white room where the Organization meetings were always held. He usually dreaded them – horribly boring, but Roxas had made them better when he was there. Axel smiled thinking of it. Roxas had been terrified of heights, and Axel had watched him fidget while trying to avoid looking at the ground. Roxas always tried so hard to pay attention. Axel, on the other hand, rarely bothered.

Then Axel remembered, more dangerously, what they had done after meetings – flirted, ended up in Roxas's room, seduction flowing both ways. He recalled the kissing, clothes coming off, bliss, and sleeping with Roxas in his arms. Roxas had been the only thing that could cure Axel's insomnia.

"Axel!" Xemnas pulled Axel out of his reverie. Axel glared at him. Xemnas was clearly upset – nothing new about that.

Axel slowly sat on his chair. He looked at Roxas's empty one and turned to Xemnas. "Alright, alright. Let's start the show!"

-0-

Axel's blood was racing. He was furious. He wished he could jump out of his chair and punch Xemnas in the face, but he needed Xemnas to trust him, so he had to stay calm.

Xemnas had just suggested that he kill Roxas. What had happened to the plan where he brought Roxas safely back? "Wait a second. Isn't it a bit early for that?"

"It's an order. Why are you hesitating? Aren't you the one who deals judgment upon those who disobey the Organization?"

Axel squirmed. It was true. He'd killed traitors in the past. "He hasn't turned his back on us! He's just… unable to come back yet!" It was a weak excuse, he knew. He could sense the members of the organization losing patience with him. What could he do?

"If he doesn't come back, he must pay the price. If you oppose these orders, you'll be the one to pay."

Didn't he know that already? He knew it too well. And if Axel died, Roxas didn't stand a chance. He watched as Xemnas summoned the electric light that Axel knew could transform nobodies into dusks. Axel looked on nervously, trying to pretend he didn't care. It didn't quite work.

"Turning me into a Dusk, eh... Fine, I got it! I'll do it! I'll do it!"

He knew he couldn't. He arrived back in his room and looked at himself in the mirror. Confidence returned. _You'll find a way, Axel. You always do right?_ Only he isn't so sure this time.

-0-

Axel decided to return to Roxas's Twilight Town that night. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until he did anyway. Plus, Xemnas wouldn't notice his absence now. Axel knew he was probably making plans about how to best destroy Axel – probably giving someone the orders right now.

Axel knew he had to find Roxas and get him to come back immediately before either of them could be damaged – no matter what it took.

He found Roxas, easily, sitting on the ledge of the clock tower. It was completely dark outside. He wondered why Roxas was even awake. Roxas clearly didn't hear him approaching, so Axel cleared his throat. Roxas turned, looking a bit startled.

"What are you doing here, Roxas? And so late? Tsk, tsk. Isn't it past your bedtime?" His tone was condescending. He couldn't talk normally. He knew he should act quickly, but the urge to take it slow pulled him back. He sat on the ledge, near Roxas, but not too close. He wanted to get to know him – test him out, and see if this was the same Roxas he remembered so well.

"C'mon Roxas! Don't give me the cold shoulder."

Roxas stood up and turned to him. "I don't know who you are. I'm sorry – if I'm supposed to remember, but I don't."

Axel looked at him intently. He thought about asking the obvious questions "Don't you remember being here with me? Do you remember when we kissed here? Anything? At all?"

Roxas was staring at him, but when Axel glanced back, Roxas quickly looked away. Axel could see him blushing slightly in the pale lights of the clock tower, the sleepy town below them. _Not a real town_, he reminded himself, but it looks so beautiful. Axel thought he could almost feel it – the beauty, and the satisfaction he got from making Roxas blush.

"I was your best friend, Roxas. You still don't remember, eh?"

"No, well, I-"

Roxas didn't finish his sentence so Axel proceeded. "Who _is_ your best friend then? Is it that Seifer character?"

"No way! He-he's mean to my friends."

Axel was unconvinced, but why would Roxas lie? "But _you_ like him, don't you?" Axel smirked. Secretly, he was terrified of the answer, but he wouldn't let it show.

"No, I like Olette," Roxas says blandly. "She's my girlfriend."

Axel stared at Roxas, shocked. This could not be the Roxas he knew. Or maybe it was him, but he was clearly confused. Axel was determined to help him out, but before he could say or do anything else, Roxas spoke again.

"You know, I -I think I have to go. My mom will be worried about me. It's really late, so…"

Axel remembered all the times he made Roxas act like this – uncomfortable, awkward, and cute as hell. Irresistable.

Axel can't help it. "I'll walk you home. It's dark out. It might not be safe." Axel knew that wasn't true, but he didn't want to leave Roxas yet.

"Oh, okay. Thanks." They walked down the steps of the clock tower, Roxas leading.

"So, alright. Roxas has a girlfriend," Axel said, feigning a congratulatory tone. He couldn't keep the condescension from creeping into his voice. "How long have you been dating her?"

"Um – I don't remember. A long time - forever."

They keep walking in silence. Roxas was somehow speeding ahead of him despite the fact that he was so much shorter. Axel could barely keep up. Was Roxas trying to run away?

Axel examined Roxas's face. He had so many questions, but he choose the one at the top of his mind, though he greatly feared the answer. "Have you kissed her?" Roxas slowed down a bit, so Axel did too.

"Yeah," Roxas responded uncomfortably. "But… why are you asking me all of this? Who are you_? _I don't understand._"_

"Roxas, I told you. We used to be good friends – _best friends_. Clearly, you don't remember, but don't worry. I'm going to help you."

Roxas stopped walking suddenly. "Well, erm… this is my house, so, I'll see you around, I guess," he said, walking up the steps to his door. Axel was angry at himself for not slowing Roxas down before. This complicated things. Axel needed more time.

But then he realizeed that Roxas was not going inside. He was standing outside the door, on the highest step, looking at Axel, waiting for something. Axel easily guessed what it was.

He moved in closer, forcing Roxas up against the wall. He could sense Roxas getting nervous. He was clearly is unsure what to do.

"Roxas," Axel whispered. "Look at me." Axel stood on the second step, correcting the height difference between them. He could feel himself getting nervous too, but he knew he can disguise it a lot better than Roxas. Roxas slowly nodded his head upward. Axel felt his entire core vibrating – the desire to kiss, to hug, but when their eyes meet, he saw terror looking back at him. For some reason, he couldn't do it. He backed away.

"Another night, Roxas," he said coolly, saluting him nonchalantly before turning down the steps. He briskly walked around the corner and entered a dark portal, without turning back.

Axel went straight to Demyx's room, sneaked under the covers, and laid with his back to Demyx's chest, cuddling as close as possible. .

"Axel, where have you been?" Demyx asked, clearly still half-asleep.

Axel's throat felt tight. He could barely speak. "I forgot what he was like, Demyx."

"So you think it's really him now?" Axel couldn't respond. "Axel, you're shaking." Axel said nothing. "It's okay man. Just sleep it off," he says gently. "You can stay here."

Axel let's out the breath he's been holding in. He didn't know how he was going to do it.


	5. Chapter 5

Axel awoke feeling confident and arrogantly optimistic. So what if Roxas had been a little afraid of him? He had always been excitable. Axel had always made Roxas nervous. He should take pride in the fact. It could only work in Axel's favor as he worked on getting Roxas back to the Organization.

Axel still felt uneasy, but he pushed it aside. He sat up in bed, and turned to look at Demyx who was still very much asleep. He was a good guy, Axel thought, but it couldn't stop him from using Demyx the way he always did. Last night had been something real though, he acknowledged it deep inside, more real than any experience they'd had together. Demyx had held him close, stroked his hair until he fell asleep. But now that it was morning, Axel was ready to start anew.

He vaguely considered leaving Demyx a note, but he pushed the thought aside easily and without guilt – he had too much to do.

He went immediately to Twilight Town, to the usual spot where Roxas and his friends hung out. It was early afternoon, but they weren't there. Axel continued searching for them with a vigorous sense of purpose. He didn't want to think about making a plan. He needed to pretend that his confidence and daring alone could pull this off – Roxas's forgetfulness and fear be damned. He ended up on a look-out with a stunning view of the city, which he completely ignored, instead perusing the area below for Roxas. Not finding him, he turned to go and found himself facing Roxas's girlfriend. She looked nervous. It seemed like she had been waiting for him to turn around, but now she seemed to wish he hadn't.

Axel was genuinely quite surprised. He didn't really know that the people in this town could exist when they weren't with Roxas. He thought that was how Roxas's reality had been designed. She was just a figment of Roxas's imagination right? Axel didn't understand it. He couldn't decide whether he should talk to it or just continue his search. Then he realized that he had a unique opportunity here. He smiled.

"Hi. Erm- My name is Axel. Nice to meet you," he said, extending a hand. She took it nervously. She barely returned his grip before letting his hand go. "Who are you?"

"Ollette…" She stood awkwardly. Axel was sure she had more to say. He waited patiently for her to continue. "Sorry, I'm – I saw you the other day – with Roxas. Or, the other night… walking him home? I live in the apartment next door." She blushed, probably realizing the implication of what she was saying. _I saw you almost kiss my boyfriend._

Axel nodded. "Ah, I see… well, Roxas and I used to be good friends."

At this news she looked slightly less downtrodden. "Oh, I see. Good friends."

Axel inwardly rolled his eyes. It was stupidly easy to make people convince themselves they didn't know when guys were gay, especially when they didn't want to know. This would play in his favor. If she trusted him just enough – or wanted to – he could get more information. "So, I'm guessing he doesn't mention me much, does he?" Axel sighed, exaggerating his disappointment, hoping for sympathy.

"No- well… I guess it always seemed like there was a part of his life he was hiding from us-from me, mostly." She blushed again. "Maybe that had to do with you?"

Axel was surprised at her honesty. In that respect, she reminded him quite a lot of Roxas. She couldn't help but tell the truth, even when she didn't want to – just like him. "Ah. I see."

"Do you know if he used to have other girlfriends? When you knew him?"

"He was too young. I mean, how old is Roxas now anyway?" Axel said, scratching the back of his head.

This was something Axel had truly always wanted to know, but Roxas hadn't known his age when they'd met. Maybe now, after receiving Sora's memories, he could remember.

"Fifteen. A year older than me," she said brusquely. "So-so he never had a girlfriend?"

"No." Axel pondered that – fifteen. In America, their relationship was illegal. Axel smiled.

"He never seemed _interested_ in anyone?" Olette asked.

Axel knew then that she knew Roxas was gay. She just wasn't sure how to ask. Axel wanted to be blunt with her, but he was sure she couldn't handle it. "What exactly are you asking me, Olette?" he said, gently.

She blushed more deeply. "It's just-"

She looked so desperate. "Listen, Olette. I've been around the block a few times. I'll bet you can't surprise me."

"I just don't think he likes me that much!" she blurted.

Axel kept a straight face, nodded, tried to look very understanding. "Okay, I see… why do you say that?" he asked, adopting an almost psychiatric tone.

"Well," she began, looking at the ground, "he doesn't seem to really enjoy kissing much. I mean, there's not _passion _in it. He always just wants to _talk_ about things, and…" she trailed off.

"And that's not what you want, eh?"

She nodded slightly, looking feverishly embarrassed at her latest confession and Axel's clear understanding of the situation.

"Have you ever kissed anyone _besides_ Roxas?"

"No, I-" she looked up at him. "I've never liked anyone else."

"Well, you wouldn't know if it was really him there was something wrong with, or if it was just you, right? I mean, maybe it's all in your head. Maybe you just need to kiss someone else, to _really_ know."

She was looking at him strangely. He thought she sensed his meaning, and she didn't look too offended by it. "Are you… _like Roxas_?"

"Not really," Axel said, and he swept past the distance between them and kissed her before she could do anything to resist. Axel could tell she was shocked at first, but she quickly responded to his lips. He didn't hold anything back. He kissed her as if she were Roxas, though he knew she was no substitute. Still, there was something about her – like he'd noticed before – her shyness, honesty, even her willingness to be kissed, that reminded him of Roxas.

He slowly eased his lips away, knowing he had put on a good show. He was surprised to realize he hadn't exactly hated it either. He hadn't kissed a woman in ages. Though she wasn't really a woman – girl was more like it. Oh well, he'd done his job. She looked completely flabbergasted. _Homewrecker_, he though to himself.

He smiled at her and walked away quickly, turning a corner. She would be too shocked to follow. Axel was proud of himself. He calculated the impact of what he had just done. She would ideally feel too shocked by her conduct to be around Roxas any time soon and, in the meantime, Axel could reveal what had happened to him. Roxas's silly little attempt at being straight would fall to pieces, thank God. Axel smiled. Mission accomplished. Now to find Roxas.


	6. Chapter 6

He was wrong. _So _wrong.

He hadn't even needed to look for him - Roxas had found Axel, shortly after Axel had started looking.

"You _kissed_ my girlfriend?" Roxas was staring at him, angrily. Axel felt vaguely terrified and also inexplicably turned on.

"So?" he said, shrugging. It would be best to make light of the situation. And he found angry Roxas quite enjoyable.

"Well-" Roxas paused, apparently too upset to continue. "If you really did used to be my 'best friend' then you're a terrible one!"

"What do you mean _if_?"

"We've already established this! I don't even know who you are, and… well, you don't even seem like someone I would be friends with." He seemed to say the last part reluctantly, probably afraid of hurting Axel's feeling. That was just like the Roxas Axel knew – he couldn't stay mad at anyone. He couldn't even be mean. "I just mean that you aren't like my other friends here," Roxas corrected. "I just… somehow I didn't think that would offend you. You don't seem like you care what other people think. I think that's kinda cool actually," Roxas said, smiling a little.

It made Axel want to let his guard down, but he was afraid of what might happen if he did. He had to remember that he was on a mission – get Roxas back to the Organization or kill him. Or wait for the Organization to kill Axel. Axel wouldn't allow himself to die for this mission unless he was sure this was Roxas, and, talking to him, he was becoming less and less sure. How could he truly tell? It was hard when Roxas didn't remember him. If anything, the kid was just taking pity on him, which was not what Axel wanted. In the past, he had hoped Roxas would forget everything they'd been through so they could start over without Axel's mistakes in their way, but, somehow, it wasn't enough. Something seemed wrong.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you. I wish I could remember something, but I don't. At all."

"So… okay then, how did you end up here? Do you know that much?"

"I've always lived here," Roxas said simply, shrugging.

"So you remember growing up here? Like as a kid?"

Roxas looked confused. "Well, I guess… not really. Am I supposed to remember? "

"Well, you might remember _a_ childhood, maybe not yours." Axel wasn't sure how far he should go with this. Roxas might not understand.

Roxas's eyes widened. "Sora?"

Axel was quite shocked, but he tried to hide it. He hadn't expected a name. "You know about him?"

"You know too?" Roxas looked excited – thrilled at the realization.

"Only a little. Wait, Roxas - what do you know?"

Roxas responded with intense enthusiasm, like he was trying to get all the information out at once. "I've been having these visions – well, they're like dreams, but I have them all the time. They're all of this boy named Sora and his friends – a dog and a duck, they can talk – I know it sounds weird- and he goes on all these adventures to strange worlds – places I've never heard of. I always just thought they were dreams, but… are you saying they're memories?"

"I would need a lot more time than I have right now to explain _that_."

"So-but- you don't think I'm crazy? You think these are more than just dreams?"

"They're definitely more than just dreams," Axel mumbled.

"So then, tell me about them. Please. I want to know."

"I can't just _tell you_, Roxas. I want you to see if you can remember." He hoped he didn't sound as desperate as he was starting to feel.

"But what if I can't?"

"You'll have to, Roxas."

"What does that _mean_? What will happen if I don't?"

"Can't explain that either, kid. Sorry."

"Fine. Fine. Well then, what did you mean before when you said we were best friends? You can at least explain that. How do you know me?"

"We were in an organization together."

"What kind of an organization?"

"Another day, Roxas."

Roxas was getting frustrated. "Fine. At least answer me this: why did you kiss my girlfriend?"

"I was hoping it would get me to you."

"What ? That's a terrible way to get to me. Don't you realize that people don't enjoy it when their girlfriends _cheat _on them? I bet you already have a girlfriend too!"

"Why are you wondering?" Axel said, raising an eyebrow and smiling. He knew Roxas hadn't meant to imply anything, but Axel was determined to make this as awkward as possible. It was fun to watch Roxas squirm, even if this wasn't really him.

"It's just that..the other night… you seemed like you _really_ knew me…"

"Well done Roxas," Axel said condescendingly, looking Roxas up and down. He looked good. At first, Axel had been skeptical of his bizarre fashion choices, but he found it somehow endearing now.

"So you mean?" Roxas asked, not finishing his question. Axel nodded. Roxas blushed. "I don't get it though. We're both guys."

"Oh don't tell me you've never thought about men before. Seifer? I mean, come on. _Hayner _at least? He's not so bad looking. A little cocky maybe, but you seem to like confident men," Axel said, smirking.

Roxas looked shocked and then embarrassed. "Well, but… Ollette is my girlfriend."

"I was trying to clear that whole mess up for you Roxas – give you an out. She didn't exactly push me away, Roxas."

Roxas was getting angry again. "Why would you _say_ that to me? I don't want to know! I just want everything to be how it was."

"And what if I kissed you right now? Would you want to go back after that?"

"I wouldn't kiss you," Roxas said, shaking his head.

"I didn't say _you_ were going to kiss _me. _Other way around – so don't worry." Axel tried to ignore the bubbling terror that he recognized from the night before. If Roxas didn't remember him after this, then he thought it would be proof that this was hopeless – that this really wasn't him. He had to remember this.

Roxas stared at him strangely. He appeared to be in complete shock.

"We'll just try it out," Axel offered, moving closer. They were between two tall walls in an alley. Roxas was standing in the middle of the path. He looked terrified. "It's supposed to be fun, you know," Axel whispered as he lightly brushed a finger on Roxas's cheek. Roxas leaned into his hand.

Axel tried to remain calm and confident, but just touching Roxas made him desperate for more.

He slowly brought his lips to Roxas's. He had to practically kneel to reach them. Axel had forgotten how short Roxas was (again), but when their lips finally touched it felt so familiar – just the same. He felt elated – truly happy – whole again.

Then suddenly, his mind began to wander, warning him that this was somehow too good to be true. When he tried to move his lips away, however, Roxas pulled Axel's whole body back. Axel continued with renewed vigor. Roxas responded at first and after a decent amount of time, lightly pushed him away, out of breath. Roxas looked starstruck. Axel figured that he looked the same.

"You okay?" Axel whispered.

"Yeah," Roxas said. His cheeks were red. A smile kept appearing on his lips. Then suddenly his lips turned into a frown. "What am I going to tell Olette? I don't even know what this means. I have a _girlfriend_."

"Yeah, but-"

"She's a nice person."

"Yeah, she reminds me of you," he said, honestly.

"I wish I remembered you, Axel."

Axel smiled more genuinely than he had in a long time. Just hearing his name from those lips was enough to make his heart beat faster. Then, looking at Roxas, the fear crept back again. Things suddenly felt _too_ good, too easy - like this was a trick. How could he just have the chance to start over?

"What are you thinking?" Roxas asked.

"I just – I don't know what I'm doing here. I've gotta go," he mumbled. Then he looked at Roxas. Roxas's look of confused sadness just made him want to walk faster. He couldn't handle emotions, not from Roxas, and he couldn't even be sure this was Roxas. Maybe this was all a plot by DiZ to kill Axel, or an excuse for the Organization to do so. He had a lot of enemies, on both sides. Perhaps the real Roxas escaped and was somewhere – not here in this virtual world. He wasn't real. That's why it felt too good to be true. It _was. _Realizing this possibility made Axel feel better about the whole thing. None of it mattered. He didn't have to start over..

"Hey, wait – I just – don't understand."

"Don't worry about it," Axel said, turning to go.

"Is it because I'm not a good kisser or something?" Axel turned back. Roxas was blushing and he was smiling. He looked adorable.

Axel couldn't help it. He leaped back and kissed him again. "You don't ever have to worry about that," he said. He smirked to himself as turned and opened a dark portal. This made everything so much easier. He could do whatever the Organization wanted, avoid being turned into a dusk, and then go look for the real Roxas. Somehow it all seemed so clear, and he wouldn't allow any uncertainty to creep in.

-0-

"So what do you think, Demyx?"

"I think you're _insane_, and you're going to kill Roxas."

"It's not him, Demyx. If it were he would remember me. Don't you _get it_?"

"They've been screwing with his memory for goodness knows how long. Something's bound to get messed up."

Axel was pacing back and forth. "I thought it was my fault that he didn't remember – like he was blocking me from his memory, but he couldn't do that. He wouldn't be able to. He's just Sora – I'm convinced of it. DiZ is just trying to trick me or something."

"Axel, this is crazy."

"Them putting Roxas in this freak experiment is crazy – what good is giving him Sora's memories? What does it accomplish? It's a trick. It doesn't make _sense_, Demyx. Roxas is out there. I'm going to find him, as soon as I can shake off this stupid Organization." He knew not everything he was saying was making sense, but he felt better when he wasn't thinking about it.

"But what you are thinking right now is dangerous. He could _die_."

"It's not him!" Though he said it with conviction, Axel was afraid, deep down, that he might be wrong – that this might be a huge mistake. If Roxas would just remember him, just for a second, he would know it was really him.

Demyx put a hand on his shoulder. "You need to sit down and _think_ about what you're saying."

"All I can think about is how I'm going to find Roxas – the real one."

"You won't find what you're looking for. You're just afraid. You know that if you bring him back to the Organization, he could leave you again, and if you kill him, that would also be the end of your relationship. And I know you're far too arrogant to bring about your own death, so where does that leave us? Those are your options, and I know you don't like any of them, so you're making your own, even if it's a stupid one." Axel didn't respond. He knew it was probably true, but he wasn't about to admit it. "You always think about yourself before everyone else, even the person you love."

"I can't love, Demyx! And neither can you. We're nobodies – no hearts, remember?" His temper was getting the best of him.

"You know what I mean, Axel," Demyx said calmly, choosing his words carefully. He knew better than to yell back.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Neither do you."

Axel left the room and slammed the door behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

***Thanks for all the encouragement! I am glad that someone likes this story besides me – yay for Axel and Roxas!***

Well, Axel decided, if he couldn't have Roxas yet, he was at least going to have some fun. However, he still found himself getting nervous as he opened the portal to DiZ's alternate universe. When he got through to the other side, just as the sun was setting, he immediately ran into the person he least wanted to see (or at least, one of them).

She looked angry.

"I'd prefer if I could just leave unharmed, and we could talk about this later," Axel said calmly, trying to walk past her. He wasn't going to let one of DiZ's weird projections get in his way. These weren't people, he had to remind himself, but what were they? He tried not to worry about it. He had more important things to do.

She continued blocking his path.

"Oh come on!" Axel yelled.

"No! I want to talk to you, and I'm going to!"

"Okay, princess. Have at it. I don't have a lot of time though, so… make it quick?"

"You are insufferable. You come here and kiss me and then you kiss Roxas-"

"He _told_ you?" Axel fumed.

"Of course he told me. We tell each other everything!"

"Oh goddamn it. You two are just so _cute_, aren't you? Jesus!"

"_You_ don't get to talk right now," she said, pushing him backward. Axel was quite literally shocked. People very rarely surprised him. Women usually did, he was beginning to remember, but he hadn't been around one in a long time (unless he counted Larxene, which he didn't) – not since he'd been a somebody, which didn't count either. "Got it?" she said, menacingly.

Axel was too taken aback to respond. She continued.

"What do you think you're _doing_? We didn't ask for you to come here! Roxas doesn't remember you, so I think you can stop with _that _excuse. And maybe we both kissed you, but I think that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the quality of men in this town. Now, I don't know if Roxas is gay, but- don't give me that look, Axel!-but if he is, that's _okay _with me. It's not like we had some kind of earth-shattering love. Our friendship is what's important, and if you want to come around here messing with _my_ best friend, you're going to have to mess with me. So here's what I have to say: stop following him around. He doesn't want you here, and neither do I. Got it? _Leave us alone._"

It took Axel a moment to get a hold of himself entirely again. He could tell she was a little exhausted by her rant, but her eyes were still fierce. She was blushing furiously - a lot more sure of herself than she'd been before. "You know," he said, smiling slightly, "No one usually yells at me like that."

"Well, maybe they should. Ever considered that?" she responded.

Axel genuinely laughed. He began to realize that sometimes he got sick of having no one to fight with – someone who could really fight back. Demyx was almost a complete pushover, and Roxas – he remembered how Roxas was. He was passive when Axel first met him, but eventually he'd become strong. And then he left. Axel couldn't think about it. Olette probably got annoying after awhile anyway.

"Well, it's been a great Olette, but I've gotta go now, so… bye!"

He practically ran past her, around a corner and into another dark portal. He ended up outside Roxas's house. Axel hoped Roxas would be home, and his parents wouldn' bet. If that was Roxas's imaginary girlfriend, he couldn't even imagine what his mom was like. He softly opened the front door. Thankfully, it was unlocked. He checked the downstairs rooms for bodies, but no one was home. He crept up the stairs to Roxas's room, and slowly opened the door.

The bed was slightly rumpled, but there was no one inside it.

"Hm…" Axel said to himself. Oh well. He could wait. He decided to make himself at home, see what he could find out about Roxas by snooping around his room. He went for the closet first.

He jumped slightly when he saw a figure in the corner until he realized it was Roxas.

"Oh-yuh- hi!" Axel said, awkwardly. As he regained his composure, he leaned on the frame of the door. It was the pose he looked coolest in – he'd practiced it before. On closer inspection, he realized that Roxas was reading. He was sitting on what appeared to be a chair made of laundry, and the bottoms of whatever was hanging in his closet slightly obscured his face. There was lamplight coming from some unidentifiable source. "What the hell, Roxas?"

Roxas seemed surprisingly calm. "I was just reading. My mom makes me go to bed really early so I just come in here and read when I can't sleep – like tonight."

"Oh yeah, what's got you up?" Axel thought he had a good idea of who was keeping Roxas up. Or at least he hoped he did.

Roxas blushed and looked down at his book.

"Whatcha reading?" Axel asked, walking into the closet and crossing his legs to sit across from him.

"Oh well-" now Roxas seemed nervous. "It's this novel about a boy who travels to different worlds and he tries to collect hearts-"

"And let me guess," Axel whispered. "He has two sidekicks, just like Sora."

"Do you think this book has something to do with my visions?"

"I didn't come here to talk, Roxas."

"Then why are you here?"

"I was hoping we could make a kind of… deal."

"Okay…"

"Well, here are the conditions. You don't ask questions about our past or Sora, got it?"

"Fine – well, maybe. What do I get in return?"

"Kissing lessons," Axel said, crawling towards Roxas and making their lips meet, as he pushed Roxas into the corner of the closet. He deepened the kiss, teasing him with a little tongue. He moved his lips away slowly. "Is it a deal?"

In response, Roxas practically pounced on him, pushing him onto the floor and almost making him hit his head on the closed closet door.

Roxas was all over Axel. His 15-year-old hands were knotted in his hair and he was kissing him with a bordering-on-violent passion. It had been so rare for Roxas to take control like this in the past, and Axel was devouring it. After a while, Olette's warning crept into his mind, but he told himself that he deserved to surrender to the moment, and he stopped thinking and starting kissing Roxas back. When Roxas backed off, Axel took the opportunity to speak. "Oh. My. God, Roxas. You are good at this."

"You still think I need lessons?" Roxas asked, smiling, as he pushed himself off of Axel's chest and onto his feet. He opened the closet door. "I think we need a change of scenery. It's a little dark in there." Axel sat up as Roxas walked out of the closet and leaned again the foot of his bed, presumably waiting for Axel to join him.

Axel smashed himself against Roxas and started kissing his neck, something he remembered Roxas liked, but remembering Roxas – the real Roxas – he started to feel guilty. Just forget it, he thought. This is practically him. You're doing it because you miss Roxas. Roxas could understand that right? He didn't want to think about the answer seriously, so he just continued down towards Roxas's chest, and, realizing his shirt was in the way, decided to remove it.

He looked at Roxas, ascertaining that it was okay as he started to peel the shirt away from his body, making sure to take in the feel of his skin as much as possible. Roxas seemed completely lost in lust, but there was still something about his look – something lust couldn't satisfy. Axel pretended he didn't see it, and started making a trail of kisses towards his navel, but as he got closer, he felt Roxas's hand on his head.

"Stop. Wait," Roxas said. "We have to talk about this. I can't keep going unless we talk about it."

Axel sighed out of frustration. "Roxas, I told you the deal."

"Well, I didn't get what I wanted did I? It looks like I gave _you_ some kissing lessons, so I should be making the rules here, don't you?" He smirked at Axel, who was now standing up and a full foot taller than him.

"I wouldn't say _that_. I was doing some of my best work just now."

"Oh don't pretend you didn't enjoy yourself in the closet," Roxas said, rolling his eyes, but also blushing a little.

That was another way Axel could tell this wasn't Roxas – he seemed too confident somehow, and even though Axel liked it, he felt like that was betrayal to the Roxas he knew was out there. This one didn't really know him. He was just some lust-crazed boy - very much like Axel, or at least that was the idea Axel was trying to sell himself. He had trouble denying the fact that he felt something for this kid- this projection, but he wasn't sure what it was, really – not definitively.

"So, maybe _you _didn't, but I did," Roxas said, removing himself from Axel's vicinity and sitting on the side of the bed. He was clearly disappointed. "If I really did used to know you, I bet you drove me crazy, right?"

He knew Roxas didn't sense the full impact of what he was saying - just how crazy Axel had driven him, but Axel did. "He left me. Maybe because of that – or something else. I don't know, really… but… whatever," he said, trying to shake it off. He wished immediately that he hadn't said anything.

"Well, I'll bet it was because you're a bit unreliable, you know? You just come and go when you want and you don't really seem to care about anyone. Honestly, you just seem _heartless."_

Axel laughed bitterly. "You have no idea how right you are there."

"Go on then. I want to know more!"

"It wouldn't matter if I told you anything anyway. You'll be gone soon."

"What?" Roxas said, looking over at him.

"Ah, see? I've said too much already!" Axel said, feeling the sarcasm return to his voice as he allowed the feelings in it to go away. "And, now that I think about it, I don't believe you're the person I remember anyway."

"What the hell, Axel? What – are you saying you made this all up?"

"Don't worry about it kid," Axel said as he opened a dark portal and stepped through.

"Don't call me a kid!" he heard, just before he was lost in darkness completely, and he felt sick when he remembered all the times that Roxas used to say that to him.

.


	8. Chapter 8

***This is gonna be a long author's note, so feel free not to read it, but it appears that I've confused some people with my last chapter – sorry Josefina Eagle and Scarlet Wolf (and also thanks for saying something)! I figured probably other people were confused too, which means I didn't do my job very well, but I'm going to cheat, and just explain my justification for why Axel doesn't take Roxas with him and see if the story makes more sense. This is what I wrote J. Eagle in a message, so I figured I would just copy-paste it: I meant their relationship to be the same as in the game - Axel doesn't bring Roxas back because he doesn't believe it's really Roxas because Roxas doesn't remember him, and he thinks if it _were_ really Roxas, he would. Also, I think Axel is extremely insecure under it all, and the fact that Roxas doesn't remember him hurts his ego, so basically (this is me-not the game), the idea was that he is under the delusion that the Roxas in Twilight Town is not actually Roxas. This soothes his ego and helps him avoid actually having to face up to reality (reality being the fact that Roxas doesn't remember him). Plus, I figure since Axel doesn't know much about DiZ or what is going on with his plans, it seems possible to him (logically, I think) that the Roxas he's seeing in "Twilight Town" is not a real person, but more like a projection of Sora, and therefore, he doesn't think kidnapping him is going to do anything, even though that's his mission, but since when does Axel care about doing what he's told? Never haha. I hope that didn't make things more confusing! If anyone has ideas about how I could make that more clear, I would love for you to message me or comment or whatever – I'm at a bit of a loss. Clearly, I've thought about this a lot, but I guess it didn't quite show up in the story the way I intended. Anyway, here's another chapter! I'm open to suggestions of any kind.***

Axel didn't feel very well when he arrived at Organization Headquarters. He already missed the comfort of having someone physically close to him, even if it wasn't the person he really wanted. He stood in the main hall for a moment and just as he turned in the direction of his room, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Not so fast, Axel. Xemnas wants you."

"Oh, I _know_ he wants me," Axel said, smirking suggestively. There was no better way to make Luxord uncomfortable than to introduce some homosexual humor into a conversation, and Axel decided to relish it.

He passed Lux and headed to Xemnas's apartment. Luxord didn't speak. He had disapproved of Axel for a long time – ever since he'd found out what he and Demyx had been doing instead of going on missions. When they arrived at Xemnas's door, Axel let himself in without knocking and turned to Luxord. "Well, aren't you going in?"

Luxord merely looked at him condescendingly.

Axel shrugged. "No harm in asking, right? You know, I think Xemnas might be interested in a threesome," Axel said, sizing Luxord up. "I think _I'm _interested too." He was simply to make him uncomfortable, and it worked.

"Oh just go in!" Luxord said gruffly, pushing Axel through the door.

"Alright, alright!" Axel said. "You don't have to be ashamed of your needs you know…" Luxord slammed the door behind him. Axel smiled until he noticed that Xemnas was sitting with his back to Axel, in a chair facing his black, marble fireplace. Axel was very familiar with this room –so depressing and precise– there were too many dark colors, a sharp contrast to the whites that could be found everywhere else in the Organization. Every piece of furniture was created with sharp angles, making long shadows in the dull light of the fire. Axel felt especially uncomfortable.

"Now really, Axel, do you think this is the time for jokes?" Xemnas said without moving in his chair. "I'm trying to win us Kingdom Hearts and you're chasing around a fifteen-year-old, hoping for sexual favors? You used to be one of my favorite nobodies, and now you are completely useless to me."

Axel knew what this was about, or at least, he thought he did. He wasn't _technically_ supposed to go to DiZ's Twilight Town without permission, but he'd done a lot of things he wasn't supposed to since he'd come into existence. The thought of Xemnas monitoring his actions made him nervous, though he knew not to let it show.

"Fifteen, eh? So you're keeping track?" Axel said, lightly.

"Don't joke with me. This is a very serious matter, as I'm sure you've gleaned from our past conversation concerning Number XIII."

It was clear to Axel that Xemnas's solemn tone was hiding even more serious implications. Axel remembered the warning Xemnas had given to him – that if he should fail to capture or destroy Roxas he would be turned into a dusk. He had to be brave though. He knew Xemnas could sense weakness and manipulate it for his own ends. Axel had helped him do it to other Organization members before. Axel sat on the horrendously uncomfortable chair next to Xemnas's, facing the giant fire. Although fire was usually his element, he felt intensely uncomfortable.

"Yeah- alright. So, you wanted me to destroy him, right? But what if there's nothing to destroy? What I mean is- what if this isn't really Roxas? Do you really want to go to _all this trouble_ if this turns out to be a trick?" He was trying to remain self-assured, but Xemnas's disapproval was obvious.

"And what _exactly_ do you think DiZ is trying to accomplish by 'tricking' us?" Xemnas said, glaring at Axel, clearly losing patience.

"I think he's trying to fool us into helping him by messing with Roxas – er- Number XIII. He knows why you want him. He's not stupid." Axel faltered when he saw the look on Xemnas's face. He changed the subject. "I mean, we don't even really know what Namine's been doing to his mind – if it's even him. You know what kinds of things she is capable of. It could be anything." Axel knew he was grasping for something that might not be there, and Xemnas could probably sense that he was panicking underneath his cool exterior.

"Interesting theory," Xemnas said, although he clearly thought it was anything but. "_However,_ that does not change the plans. You are to kidnap Roxas or you are to kill him."

Axel stood up. He was not good at controlling his anger, and he could feel it getting the best of him. "No! I refuse!"

Xemnas remained calm. "Because you think you will be killing Roxas?"

"No! Well, I don't know. I just figured he might be useful," he said, trying to keep a level voice, "but I don't even think this is really 'Roxas' we're talking about. This is just some look-alike – like Xion. He – it- is just part of DiZ's plan. It's like a projection meant to fool us."

"So if it's just a 'projection,' why are you so reluctant to do what must be done?"

Xemnas's horrible calm was egging Axel on more. He could probably sense that Axel did not want to kill even a projection of him, although Axel was far from acknowledging this himself. All he could acknowledge fully was that Xemnas was pissing him off. "_You_ are the one who should be reluctant, Xemnas! Your plans involving Roxas haven't gone well so far have they? He escaped on your watch, didn't he?"

"And why do you think that was, Axel? Escaping from you, wasn't he? I hardly see how that could be _my_ fault," he responded, keeping a layer of disdain under the mask of calm.

Axel knew he had to compose himself or he was going to get dangerous and do something stupid, like try to kill Xemnas, which would only mean more problems for Axel. Yet he couldn't think of anything to say in response.

"Very well, then. You will either kidnap or kill the boy, and if you fail, you know what will happen to you."

"Fine! Fine," Axel said, resigning himself to this plan. He knew arguing now wouldn't help at the moment. He stood up to go.

"And I want it done tomorrow, before the end of the day."

Axel felt his stomach crunch. The feeling was terrible.

"I warn you not to go snooping around Twilight Town until then. I have been monitoring your juvenile schemes, and I will continue to observe your every move. If you so much as touch him without the intention of either him bringing him back or killing him, I will turn you into a dusk, and I will make sure that things don't go well for Roxas either."

Axel glared at Xemnas for a moment and then quickly exited the room, trying to keep calm. Inside, he was fuming. He wasn't sure why Xemnas was so good at getting him to act like this and dragging up all the things Axel had been trying to ignore.

What the hell was he going to do? He had said to himself, many times, that the Roxas he was seeing in Twilight Town was not the real one. The real one would remember him and want to be with him. But this 'fake' Roxas liked him too. At least, he certainly hadn't tried to push him away. He'd been curious about Axel and willing. Axel thought of the interlude in the closet longingly. He would pay anything to be back there. He desperately needed the pain to go away – or at least to numb it. He was afraid to leave the Organization Headquarters though. Xemnas had made it pretty clear that Axel was being watched. Axel didn't even want to guess by whom. Probably Luxord. Didn't matter – he needed a release, which of course brought him to Demyx.

He burst into the room to find Demyx picking at his sitar. Axel had always thought it was pretty cool that Demyx played an instrument – it was especially cool that the instrument was also a weapon. Demyx looked up at him. "You look pretty raggedy, man. Are you okay?"

"Demyx, can we just not talk about it?" Axel said moodily, moving closer until he was standing in front of Demyx.

"Of _course_ we have to talk about it. You can't avoid these things forever, Axel! How many times do I have to tell you? Besides, what else is there to do around here?"

"I was hoping we could fuck," Axel said, trying to balance the straightforwardness with a polite smile.

Demyx's concerned look turned into a frown. "Really Axel? _That's_ what you came here for? You are a god-awful nobody."

"You want to though, don't you? I know it's been a while since you've… _you know_."

"Oh come on, Axel! You are the most deranged person on the planet. After all you've been through with Roxas, you think this is going to solve something for you?" Demyx stood up and leaned his sitar against the wall. "Come over here, and we'll talk about this like adults." Demyx kept calm like he did in most situations. He was good at it, and sometimes it worked to calm Axel down too, although lately Demyx had admitted that he had been failing miserably.

As soon as Demyx put down his instrument, Axel took his chance. He slammed into Demyx and started kissing him passionately, touching him in all the right places to get him to lose focus.

The initial surprise Demyx experienced made him unaware of what was going on. Suddenly all he cared about was the pleasure of being touched, and he remembered how fun it had been to be with Axel, even though Axel had been an asshole back then too. At least Demyx's needs had been fulfilled, and, if only for a few rare moments, he had forgotten how terrible it was to be a nobody.

After the shock of Axel's actions wore off, Demyx's conscience began speaking, and even as he was kissing Axel back out of reflex, he started to think about the mental state Axel was in, and how destructive Axel's passions could be. He knew it was going to piss Axel off, but he had to stop. "Whoa, Axel!" he said, pushing him away. It was easy since Axel was so much thinner and not as muscular as Demyx was. Demyx held onto Axel's arm to keep him from losing balance.

"We can't keep doing this," Demyx said, looking at Axel seriously. "It isn't good for you, or me, okay?"

"You say that _every fucking time_!" Axel said, violently ripping his arm away. He didn't know why he was yelling, but he could feel the anger bubbling up again, and he wanted it to. He needed a distraction from what he might have to do tomorrow.

"Axel, you need to calm down, and hey – why do I always have to be the mature one in this relationship?" He felt so violated and upset and angry. "Here's something else I say _all the fucking time_, except this time I mean it! I'm through with your bullshit. You always take all your anger out on me even though I've been here for you since I've met you. Who else can you tell all your secrets to?"

"So are you the one who's been telling Xemnas what I'm up to then? Have you? Because I might get turned into a dusk for that."

Demyx thought about doing his usual routine and trying to calm Axel down, but then he realized just how badly he didn't want to do this anymore. "No, Axel. It wasn't me. I'm actually the only one who's got your back, but I don't anymore, alright? Don't come here asking for advice because I don't want to give it. I'm through with it. I don't care anymore." The truth was, he cared more than he wanted to admit, but he knew his relationship with Axel was becoming unendurable. Still, when he saw how angry Axel looked, he almost lost his resolve.

"Well, I'm glad you finally got to express that, Demyx. Thanks for all the meaningless sex and useless advice! Oh, and I _really_ enjoyed covering for you on all the missions you were too lazy to do. Enjoy being a nobody before everything goes to shit! Oh, and- by the way- I'm going to kill Roxas tomorrow. See you around."

Axel hurried back to his room. He felt dreadful. He hated the way he was so cruel, but somehow he still couldn't be any other way – it wasn't in him, though right now he desperately wished that it was. He could tell that he was crumbling – he was starting to feel things again like he had when Roxas was around before- and he remembered how much he didn't like it. He missed apathy and obliviousness. He wished he had never come into being. If only Reno hadn't gotten into that accident. Then maybe Demyx and Roxas would have gotten together, and that would have been better for everyone. He thought about it too long, and it started to rip at him– the thought of how happy Roxas would have been with someone else. He imagined Demyx and Roxas kissing and holding hands and sneaking into each other's rooms. It made him sick, but somehow the line of thought kept going and he imagined everything they might have done if he hadn't been there to corrupt Roxas and force him to run away.

However, Axel had warned Roxas that he was trouble. The remembrance made him feel more justified. He had certainly told the truth about himself from the beginning- that he was no good – that he was doing things Roxas would not approve of. Roxas had known what he was getting into. Axel couldn't have helped a thing. These thoughts calmed him down substantially, until he almost felt okay.

But one memory led to another, and soon he was lost in them. He remembered the time when Roxas had admitted that being with Axel scared him. Then the subsequent times Axel had let Roxas down and abandoned him and ignored him entirely. Roxas had stood by him for so long and had been the only nice thing in Axel's short existence as a nobody. And then Axel had just let him go - convinced him to go, albeit unconsciously. And he had lost Demyx's friendship now too, probably for real this time. It seemed that everyone he cared about at all – a whopping list of two people- were the ones he hurt and betrayed most. Why couldn't he be any other way?

He lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to think of nothing, until he slowly slipped off into agitated oblivion, hoping that somehow all the thoughts and pain would pass and he would feel emotionally dead again. He did not once acknowledge what he might have to do the next day.


	9. Chapter 9

His clock read 5:36am. He'd been having a dream about Roxas – couldn't remember the details and was glad for it. Should he try to go back to sleep? There didn't seem to be a point. He knew he wouldn't be able to. The thoughts he had held back the night before were all attacking him at once.

So, what if he had to kill Roxas? What would happen? If Roxas _was_ just a projection, he couldn't imagine that it would do any damage, except to DiZ's plans. However, if it really was Roxas… the thought kept creeping into his mind – more seriously now than it ever had before. Before Axel could have easily ignored it. He wanted to keep doing so. Roxas would remember him – that was it. This was all just some freak-experiment of DiZ's, and he wasn't going to play into it anymore.

So, there it was. What he did today wouldn't really matter. He was going to have to do this if he was going to avoid being turned into a dusk and find Roxas for real. He decided it would be best just to kill this Roxas after all. If Axel brought him back to the Organization, it would just be another thing to hold Axel back from finding the real Roxas. He didn't want to settle for a substitute, even if the substitute was kind of nice and just as cute and…

He ignored the queasy feeling he had and put on his black robe. He opened the drawer by his bed and took out the "winner" popsicle stick. He stuffed it into an inside pocket. Was there anything else he wanted to take in case he decided to run off to find Roxas right away? If he failed his mission today (in case something went wrong, he thought, not in case he became too afraid to do it), he was going to have to escape quickly and quietly. He might not want to go back to the Organization; it wouldn't be safe.

He paced around the room, thinking about how he should approach the situation. The more he thought about things that could go wrong, the less he wanted to think about them. He wished that he could just go back to DiZ's world and quiz Roxas one last time and make sure he really didn't remember, but Axel didn't feel up to killing him yet, and he knew if he were to go to Twilight Town without bringing Roxas back, Xemnas would turn him into a dusk, so he refrained, knowing that he would have to act eventually, but dreading the moment it would come.

He paced around his room, then in front of Demyx's room, then around the long halls of the headquarters. It must have been hours later other Organization members started waking up. He was extremely displeased to see Xemnas approaching him.

"You are ready to do it, Axel?" 

"Yes," Axel replied, grudgingly. He tried hard to express his displeasure with the situation.

"You look terrible. I hope you slept well," he said, clearly doubting it, "You've got a lot to do today, you know."

"Yep."

"Well, be my guest," Xemnas said, opening a portal and smiling condescendingly at Axel. Axel resisted the urge to flip him off. The resentment he began to feel, compiled with his already growing fear and apprehension, made him feel unbalanced and agitated. He stepped through the dark portal and ended up near the place where Roxas usually hung out with his friends – the place where Axel had first heard Roxas's voice after their long parting. He remembered the pleasure that had rushed through him. _It's wasn't really Roxas_, he reminded himself once more. Now that he was here, it seemed like he was going to need even more convincing to do what he needed to do. He knew Xemnas was watching him, however, so he started looking for Roxas.

-0-

After exploring almost the entire town, including Roxas's home, he realized that Xemnas must have purposely dropped him off somewhere completely random. Roxas was nowhere to be found. He cursed Xemnas under his breath. He knew Xemnas was probably enjoying Axel's struggle – probably laughing over it with Luxord. He hated them both so much. He thought of Demyx, wondered what he was doing and then immediately chastised himself for caring. He felt so sick, he had to stop and take time to better control his emotions; he wasn't used to having them, especially this strongly. It didn't really work, but he at least tried to put on a good mask, hoping to fool Xemnas and whoever might be with him.

-0-

He had searched the whole town, and the only thing it had done was made him more agitated and less sure about his initial plan. He arrived back at the place where Xemnas had left him and decided to try Roxas's hideout one more time.

Just as he was walking towards it, he saw Roxas coming out from behind the tattered red curtain. He stepped back, for some reason, trying to delay the moment when Roxas saw him. He had no clue what he was going to say. He thought of it as he followed Roxas into the main square of the town, where Roxas was suddenly cornered by loads of dusks. Axel gulped, thinking about how that could be him – a dusk, if he wasn't careful.

It was all this stupid projection's fault – all the emotions and reluctance Axel was experiencing could have been avoided if virtual Roxas had not been so damn nice and welcoming. Axel felt his misplaced anger growing stronger, and, like he had done so many times before, fed it until his mind was a complete frenzy of anger and malicious eagerness.

"Look at what it's come to," Axel boomed, and Roxas turned to him, ignoring the danger he was in. "I've been given these icky orders to destroy you-if you refuse to come back with me." Inwardly, Axel was a bit surprised that he had brought up that second option. It had just slipped out. Oh well. Axel was still in control. None of this polite conversation mattered.

"We're...best friends, right?" The earnestness with which Roxas spoke immediately lessened Axel's resolve. He knew he shouldn't be letting it affect him, but it was difficult. He was in such a precarious emotional state – swinging between anger and hope. It was so unfamiliar to him, and he wasn't sure how to handle it.

He scratched his head absentmindedly. He was already losing it, not sure how to react to this – it was not at all what he had expected. He started speaking before his thoughts could catch up with him. "Sure...but I'm not getting turned into a Dusk for..." Maybe he should just check – it couldn't hurt. "Wait a sec! You remember now?" he said, internally kicking himself for sounding so excited. He knew he shouldn't dare hope after all that had happened. What the hell was happening to him?

"Y...eah," Roxas nodded. His expression was very strange.

Axel's brain whirred with some new feeling. "Great!" he heard himself say, and then caution set in, "But, you know, gotta make sure and all. So, umm... What's our boss's name?"

Axel stared at Roxas expectantly. Then he realized the look on his face was blank. Roxas was faking it. Axel felt the anger returning. He was no longer confused. "Can't believe this..." he said, and he said it as much about Roxas not remembering as to himself for having been tricked into thinking there might be hope.

It happened quickly. Roxas was staring at him briefly – a very strange look, and then, realizing he was surrounded by dusks that wanted to destroy him, Roxas began fighting. Axel watched him, fascinated by his skill with the keyblade – he was a good fighter, and his movements were familiar to Axel, though he didn't want to admit it. Then Axel remembered what he was supposed to be doing, and he ignored all other distractions. He aimed a chakram at Roxas, trying hard not to think about what he was doing. Just as he was throwing it at Roxas's back, everything froze, including Axel. He heard a voice from above and recognized it as DiZ.

"Roxas, to the mansion! The time has come!"

"Hayner! Pence! Olette!" Roxas said. He sounded somewhere between pained and hopeful. Axel had no idea what to make of such a strange outburst.

As Roxas ran away, not bothering to glance back, Axel felt his muscles loosen again. His hands fell to his sides, weak from having been stuck in one position. He was glad with his decision, finally at peace. This Roxas didn't care about him. Roxas had screamed the names of his friends – his _girlfriend_, and he'd left Axel without looking back. That made things much easier.

"The Roxas that I know is long gone," he admitted aloud, not even sure what it meant. Perhaps it was that he was beginning to see how familiar the situation was – Roxas leaving him. Even the fake one did it. It was Axel's fate, it seemed. "Fine, I see how it is..." he said, and he headed toward the mansion.

-0-

Axel approached the mansion cautiously. He'd never liked the location much. He entered the front doors, and, not hearing anything, decided to search the place. He wondered who or what he might find hidden there.

It was eerie how empty the entire building was. He had expected to see DiZ or Namine or someone familiar. It was odd that no one cared about him being there. He wondered if it was a trap and DiZ was watching him, along with Xemnas. He hated both of them so completely. He heard strange noises coming from the basement and ran down the stairs to find out what had happened – Roxas – fresh from a fight, was looking flushed and flabbergasted.

"Simply amazing, Roxas," Axel said sarcastically. He was pleased that his words were coming so naturally.

"Axel," Roxas said, and the look in his eyes seemed very familiar, like he knew something more than he was expressing. Axel lost his resolve for only a second. He couldn't fall for it.

"You really do remember me this time? I'm SO FLATTERED," he said, raising his voice. He was going to end this. He couldn't stand it any longer. Guilt was mixing with his other emotions and making him completely lose control. He could see that he was lighting the whole room on fire, and he had no desire to stop. He wanted to consume them both in flames. "But you're too late!" he yelled, glaring in Roxas's direction, though refusing to look him directly in the eye.

Suddenly, Roxas was holding two keyblades, one in each hand. Roxas seemed as surprised as Axel to find this was the case.

"Two!" Axel said, finally looking him in the eye. Roxas was entirely bewildered. His eyes were shifty – he was clearly concerned about the fire that was quickly consuming the room.

Axel had completely lost control of himself. The heat from the fire was maddening, and he wanted this to be over. He summoned his own weapon. "Come here. I'll make it all stop," he said condescendingly.

Roxas looked confused, a bit angry and also terrified, and he ran at Axel, weapons ready. Now that Roxas had two weapons, Axel could quickly feel his defenses waning. Roxas must have been practicing on the dusks as well. Axel was surprised, however, that after all his fighting, he was still going at it so strongly.

The fire Axel had summoned in the room was dying down. Axel's anger could no longer feed it. He was becoming exhausted. His reflexes failed for a moment and Roxas had him on the ground and was looking down at him, clearly triumphant and also slightly surprised, keyblade to his throat.

"Roxas..." was all Axel could manage. He was surprised and exhausted and confused. How had he arrived here? He'd never lost before. Coolness returned to the room as the last of the fire evaporated.

Roxas was looking at Axel distantly, as if he were remembering something Axel could not access. Axel had no idea how to feel except tired and confused.

"Axel..." Roxas said, leaning down next to him and taking his hand. He looked suddenly upset. His eyes conveyed complete understanding – regret mingled with sadness.

Axel could feel himself fading – was he dying? Somehow the moment gave him clarity and suddenly he knew, fully, that this was really Roxas. But how could that be? Axel had taken so many precautions to find out the truth.

Roxas was looking at him so intensely, but Axel didn't know what to do or say. Then it came to him, what he wanted to say. "Let's meet again in the next life," he said, feebly. He'd never been religious, and he wasn't even a somebody – there was no telling where or how he'd end up after this. He was going to die and all of this would be for nothing, but he just wanted to say something that would make Roxas feel better. Axel had never been much good at being human, but Roxas had a heart, and Axel, in a moment of complete selflessness, wanted Roxas to have hope.

Roxas stared at him very seriously. "Yeah. I'll be waiting," he said, and he smiled at Axel and Axel smiled back, hoping that there was really something to that.

The look in Roxas's eyes seemed to say so much and made Axel want to hold on, but he didn't think he could. "Silly. Just because you have a next life..." he said, smiling, trying to make Roxas feel better. Roxas would be better off without him anyway. Axel's consciousness faded to nothing and he knew it must be death.

***This is not the end. It probably goes without saying, but I just wanted to make sure no one gets any crazy ideas. It's not over until the game is over and we all know Axel has more shenanigans to get up to!***


	10. Chapter 10

*** So clearly I went on a long hiatus - sorry about that! I really am determined to finish this story! So here goes….***

He didn't open his eyes. Partially because his whole body hurt, but mostly because he was afraid to find out what had happened to him.

Axel had experienced a moment of clarity just before his death – a split-second where everything seemed to make sense, and he felt both the joy and pain of being in love with Roxas. Now that he was regaining consciousness, he was afraid. He had never felt that vulnerable before, or that in love, and he wondered what it meant and how that sensation had happened for a nobody, of all people- especially a nobody who had just tried to kill the only person who made him feel. It was just as he had heard people describe death before - the pieces of his existence as a nobody had all come together, and the only thing of any importance was Roxas – and maybe Demyx, but he didn't want to dwell on the latter point.

He was trying to recall that pre-death feeling, but it was already fading, and he wasn't sure what to make of it. He was afraid to open his eyes because he was probably in hell – the physical pain he was experiencing made him think so. He reluctantly surveyed his surroundings. He was in his own room on his own bed and Demyx, of all people, was asleep on a chair beside his bed. What _was_ this? Axel felt inside his cloak pocket and pulled out the "winner" popsicle stick.

So _that_ was why he felt so shitty – he was still alive, even after having the shit kicked out of him by Roxas. He laid his head on his bent knees and watched Demyx. Why was he there? Certainly not by choice, Axel figured. He was still mad, probably, and Axel didn't have the willpower to pacify him at the moment. Axel figured that if Demyx was still on friendly terms with the Organization, Roxas must be safe. Why else would they have let Axel stay here in his own room? Why would they have let him live?

Demyx stirred, woke up, saw Axel staring at him, and stood up quickly and awkwardly. He did not look at Axel as he spoke.

"They ordered me to stay here and watch you – to make sure you didn't try to run after Roxas or-"  
"Demyx, what happened to Roxas?"

Demyx seemed extremely reluctant to speak. "They aren't really sure. He's not with DiZ that's for sure. I only know what I've heard other people saying – no one _really _cares about me enough to tell me what's going on. They think he's escaped somehow – or disappeared. That's what I know."

Demyx had heard the commotion when Axel was brought back to headquarters. Axel could barely breathe, it seemed, although his body looked completely unharmed. He had had the most peaceful look Demyx had ever seen him wearing – it made Demyx nervous. Maybe Axel had finally really lost his marbles. The Organization had ordered Demyx to stay with Axel. Demyx had mixed feelings about this. It was better than killing heartless, and, as much as he hated to admit it, he did still care if Axel lived or died, though it was still true that Axel had tried to kill one of the only people Demyx liked.

Demyx glanced at Axel, who was looking intently at him, and walked toward the door. "I've got to tell them you're awake," he mumbled awkwardly, as he went looking for Xemnas.

Axel sighed and lay back against the frame of his bed. The brief moment of selflessness when he had realized Roxas was better off without him had subsided quickly, and all he could think about was himself and how much he wanted Roxas. It was a mission with no end – something incredibly destructive, to Axel and Roxas – it was just what Axel needed to recover from his mistake – the mistake of not knowing that Roxas had been Roxas all along.

It was because Roxas had acted differently, Axel reminded himself, and Roxas didn't remember you. Well, Axel wouldn't let Roxas forget him again. His mind was thinking again in the old way – the nobody way, the heartless way. The way where all Axel managed to want was to force Roxas to want him back, using any means possible.

Axel managed to get out of bed and to the door, but when he tried the knob, he found it was locked. It was not a good sign. Xemnas had it out for him, and Axel knew it. He would probably be turned into a Dusk. Axel kicked the door and sighed out of frustration. What next?

***I know it's kinda short, and I already have Axel back to being an asshole again, but I wouldn't love him any other way!***


	11. Chapter 11

Axel felt a biting pain in his leg from kicking the door and collapsed to the ground, exhausted. It was hard to concentrate, but he knew he had to act quickly. If Xemnas found him like this, he had no hope for survival. They were going to turn him into a dusk, that much was obvious. Xemnas never made promises he couldn't keep when it came to destroying people.

He sighed out of frustration. The feeling of helplessness was worse than the pain. He lifted up his hand to produce a dark portal, but it quickly flickered and disappeared. He concentrated. Even if he could open up a portal, where would he go? He couldn't go to the virtual Twilight Town any longer, he knew Xemnas would make sure of that. But where else could he look for Roxas?

The door opened momentarily. To Axel's great displeasure, Saix entered the room. Axel quickly tried to get on his feet. It hardly worked as planned, but he managed to prop himself up on the wall.

"Where's Xemnas?"

"I think you'd rather not know, Axel," he said, smiling maliciously. "But I think you _do_ know. It's really a matter of _what_ he's preparing to do, not _where_ he's planning to do it. I think you get my drift."

Axel rolled his eyes. "So you all just expect me to stick around for the big show then? Why would I?"

"Maybe because you have absolutely nowhere to go."

"Like hell I don't."

"How's this? When I leave the room, you try to create a dark portal, and then we'll see who's right."

Axel attempted to show no outward sign of the horror that suddenly overtook him, but he couldn't think of anything to say in response.

"I see I've finally managed to wipe that disgusting smirk off your face. You traitor. You'll finally get what you deserve. And all because you were defeated by that little boy Roxas.You've really lost it. We're just putting you out of your misery at this point. If you hadn't been in a virtual world, you would be dead already," he paused, "But where would have been the fun in that? Now _I_ get to see you turned into a dusk, and, believe me, that's been worth waiting for."

"Can you just get the fuck out of here?" Axel's whole body pulsed with pain and anger. He wanted to fight it out with Saix, and it was exponentially more upsetting to realize he had no chance of defeating him, let alone anyone in the organization.

"Of course. See you at the execution," he taunted as he closed the door behind him.

Axel collapsed on the ground again. He heard a knock at the door. He didn't care who it was. He wasn't moving a muscle.

"Axel?"

It was Demyx. "Yeeesss?" Axel groaned.

Demyx seemed disheveled as he entered the room. He kept looking at Axel, then at the ground, then back at Axel.

"Oh come on, Demyx! I know they're going to turn me into a dusk. You don't have to break the news."

"Oh _thank God_," Demyx sighed. "But what are we going to do?"

"You're going to help me?"

"Of course I'm going to help. I hate you, but…but not that much," he shivered. "I'll make you a dark portal, and then you'll just walk through it. You'll be out of here in no time."

"Of course not. Xemnas will know you helped me escape and where."

"No – he can't track where we go, can he?"

"How do you remain so reliably naïve? I've found ways to keep him from tracking it sometimes, but it's been harder lately, and it would be impossible today. We need a better plan, where neither of us is turned into a dusk and where Xemnas doesn't get anything he wants."

"I don't think there's an option like that, Axel."

"Let's leave together. We'll figure it out from there."

Demyx refused to look him in the eye. Axel sighed out of frustration.

"Seriously Demyx. You want to _stay here_?"

"Well, I don't want to go with you on whatever your latest suicide mission is."

Axel stared at Demyx, hoping he'd look back, but his eyes remained steadfastly pointed at the ground. "You're shitting me."

Demyx's eyes remained fixed on the ground.

Axel had a headache. "Can you leave me alone for a bit?"

"No! I'm under strict orders _not to leave the room_. It's written right here," he pointed at a small piece of paper in his hand.

"I see you've got it memorized," Axel said without thinking. It made him think of Roxas, and then he felt the exhaustion set in again. "I think I'm going to vomit."

Axel stumbled to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, breathing heavily. He looked to his left and saw a dark portal. His vision was blurry and he feared it might be an illusion until someone came through it.

"Riku?"

"Come with me now!"

"No fucking way." Axel really had a headache now.

"What other choice do you have?"

"At least if I stay here I know what's going to happen to me."

"I know you're in love with Roxas, and I know you would do anything for him. He's been reunited with Sora now, and Sora is my best friend. We're on the same side, I promise."

_In love with Roxas_…

"Axel? You have to come now. I don't have the strength to keep this portal open much longer."

"Okay, okay," Axel said, and he stumbled through the portal.

-0-

He could immediately tell he was in Twilight Town – the real one. He recognized the train station below him. Riku was standing next to him, fully cloaked. Namine was there too, sitting on a bench facing away from the setting sun, and she was looking at Axel carefully.

Axel knew he should be afraid. After all, these people were working with DiZ, and they could easily get him turned into a dusk if they wanted. Somehow though, he didn't feel threatened. They looked as exhausted as he felt.

Axel leaned on the railing in front of him and stared out toward the sunset. Axel had planned on saying nothing, but then he began to reflect on some of the mysterious things Riku had said. _Roxas and Sora were united_.

"Riku, what did you mean, about Roxas and Sora being united?" he said cautiously. He quickly realized how afraid he was of the answer.

Riku continued looking off in the distance. Namine seemed not to have heard, but she had turned around on the bench. "Look," she said, pointing down near the train station where Sora was standing with Donald and Goofy. Their voices echoed in a strangely loud way, and Axel strained to hear it.

"Three tickets, please! I can't help feeling like we won't see this town again…" Sora said.

"Why not?" Donald asked

"You're thinkin' too much," Goofy added.

"Yeah, you're right!" Sora said.

Axel wanted to punch the optimism right out of him. Roxas was gone. Sora had devoured him to help himself.

The three left the ticket stand, and Axel noticed Olette and Roxas's other two friends standing near the train. He was glad they hadn't recognized him. He quickly realized it was a stupid thought – how could they know anything about him? They were the real people – the ones he had met didn't really exist.

"Hey Sora. You sure we haven't met before?" asked the cuter of the male friends.

"Positive," Sora answered. "Why do you ask?"

"I dunno…"

Sora just stood there looking at the three friend awkwardly, not saying a word.

"You okay?" asked the cute one.

"Y-yeah. Don't know where it came from," Sora said, and he wiped a hand on his cheek as though he'd been crying. He quickly regained his composure and waved goodbye as he got on the train.

The three friend walked away. Axel felt exhausted. What was that all about?

"He's gone," Axel said, to no one in particular.

"Let's go now," Namine said.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Where do you have in mind? It's not like you really have somewhere to go. Our kind doesn't have that."

"You're right," she sighed. "There is no place for me. Still…There are some places I want to go… People I want to see…"

"Yeah, same here," Axel replied, despondently. He had noticed she was staring her notebook. It had a picture of Sora and Roxas holding hands. Axel was too exhausted to think about what it meant. He felt like there were questions he should ask her – information he should be interested in getting, about Roxas, about all of it, but he could only focus on the most immediately pressing thing.

Axel faced the hooded Riku. "So why don't' you just let us go? He told you to get rid of us, didn't he?"

Namine hugged her notebook. "Really?" she asked. Axel almost rolled his eyes again, but stopped himself. She was just like Demyx. Too naïve to function.

"Go," Riku said.

Axel simply stared at him. What was Riku playing at?

"I owe you two," Riku repeated in the same solemn tone.

"Do you?" Namine asked, quietly.

"Yes, at Castle Oblivion…" Riku answered. He didn't need to finish the thought. They all remembered what had happened at Castle Oblivion.

"Well, thanks… I guess," Axel said. Even after all this, he didn't much care for Riku, nor did he trust him. His brain was so muddled he'd almost forgotten his question. He turned to Riku, but saw only an empty dark portal.

Namine stood staring at her notebook.

"Namine, tell me what happened to Roxas."

"I'm sorry," she said, and ran, downcast into the portal. It quickly closed.

"God damnit," Axel said, and collapsed onto the railing once more. He wanted to be angry, but all he felt was physical pain and a deep sickness in the pit of his stomach.

If Roxas was gone, what else was there to go?


End file.
